Ive lost his patience. I was very ungrateful towards him. Seven months ago, a man that I knew messages me and we began talking. I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now. she She doesnt want no for answer. There was a week or two where it was constant talking about it. He gets frustrated that I dont trust him but hes willing to do anything to get me to understand. And she says she understands why I was that way. I said some really nasty stuff that I really regret but she understands that this is emotionally draining on me. I confronted him and I was absolutely done but I was still in a lot of pain and he then would send me long messages every morning (like this one ) trying to apologie and asking for one more chance and etc it was a huge blow out. Its a messy situation. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? And then left for her girlfriends house. Advice: Dont worry so much about what he says to you. i went on a sex spree trying to temporarily oppress my guilt, hurt, anger. But she is consistent. I realize I have questioned everything he does and turned around everything he said. His behavior sounds lazy and selfish, I know. And he says he still loves me and is attracted to me. I know I was wrong and I should of had trust but he wont give me a chance. Maybe this man married his mother the first time? No one was outside when I went. About six months of this go by I eventually had to end things with her. Do not let your emotions get the best of you and try to force your significant other to feel as certain way. Knowing the other person, genuinely knowing, is the cornerstone of intimacy. Facebook, smart phone,kids,help others and work. I should add that, if he was horny he could have called me instead. please doc. I found out two days ago that my girlfriend has cheated on me for a week for her coworker. He met them and showed commitment. Maybe a Gestalt therapist, CBT. Please help me? Stick to your values. Every time he picks up his phone I get sick knots in my stomach. Listening to the sexy chief of police in the shower. And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. Good luck!! Do I refrain from any words like I love you, I miss you or is ok to give her little words to let her know Im here and thinking of her so much with sorrow, regret and understanding. Consider the bright side. I am in love with him.and relationships arent perfect but i know i messed up with handling my anger wrong. Dr Deb I feel like running away. You sound like an intelligent young woman; there can be a lot of possibilities for you to have a good life. ;). There was one friend that I always wasnt comfortable with. Someone tell me what to do?? What If the one who falls in love realizes after marriage that who they fell in love with is not real, aka, a passive aggressive narcissist? He texts me every day, telling me to have a wonderful day and that he loves me. I took up anger management that goes on for 8 weeks. i found when i was miscarrying that he was lying, pretending to be at work, (he does work 7 days per week and has for over a year, i see the payslips this is a fact). I dont want to provide a bad example to our only child by staying in the marriage. I know that it was not the way to handle it but I didnt know what else to do. The fact that he is back and forth with you tells me that. He is very judgmental and critical on top of it I feel like he only knew how to put me down. If someone lacks something that you think is important, such as insight, as well as thinking people are out to get him, what you call very ignorant, then how in the world can you really love THEM?? You need to look nice and be comfortable in the clothes you are wearing because you have to be yourself throughout the date. His job demands for him to work out of town in short periods of time and we can never finish or come to an agreement about much. My boyfriend and I didnt know each other. I told her that if this is what she needs to do then we will do it. I love him and i dont want to ever lose him. He says I dont act like a girlfriend sometimes and that hurts. Its almost as if Good and Bad is unclear in your mind and everything first looked good when it wasnt and now everything looks all bad when it may not be. I just didnt have the evidence. be with her n do things for her. Initially my husband attempted to use lots of sexual intimacy to help us get over his emotional infidelity; hot romance oozed out of this man who hadnt had a romantic moment with me in 37 years. But Im trying and Im fighting for our relationship and it seems to me at this point, that hes not. I was convinced he was cheating on me because he even had a picture of himself and the same girl as his wallpaper. My husbands reasoning was better education opportunities for our daughters. She never answered that question up till now. I am so emotional, physically, and mentally attached to this man I am with. Have a convo. That said, the fact that the two of you were loyal to one another until you broke up with him shows some maturity. Then he said he has matured and changed and wants something new thats not me. I was blamed for not believing that it would happen or for giving him hope. Even if there was not another man in the picture I still believe Money or lack there of is not a reason to stay with a man who doesnt love and respect you like he should. I wasnt happy before but now Im down right depressed and I dont think things will ever work put but I cant imagine a life without him in it. Be your true self and the right partner will value you and uplift your dreams and aspirations. And we all know very well that once reality sets in and we live together a while, that person, whaddayknow, has flaws! Men respond well to unconditional respect. Everything progressed nicely and I really liked him. The argument led her to the point that she threatned to call police if I ever come to get family house again i:e baby father or contact her or any mem5 of her family or friends. She makes me feel strong and proud of myself and does nothing but give me compliments because I do have low self esteem. I know. How can I get myself to a better place? I confronted him, he was so remorseful that it happened. (with many racy messages and pics, that linger in my mind) I still loved and missed her so much. I sent her flowers today to try and start the romantic spark again. I have felt that we live together more as roommates than a loving married couple & even that has come to a close as I have chosen to move into a spare bedroom. I was insensitive to his struggles and feelings. Criticism? Financial security is not enough to make you stay with someone your not in love with. And how do you feel about that? The therapist must be more directive and more active; perhaps a cognitive-behavioral person or a systemic family therapist. I have a bit of a quirky personality where my heart and intentions mean well but sometimes maybe I come off as hard to read. I doubt that I shall ever learn to trust or respect this man again. There may be people you have dated who feel as though they love you, but in your opinion, they dont know you. He was extremely inexperienced, and kept things from me for awhile about him doing things with other girls (one was returning with hickeys after the night he was supposed to break up with the other girl he was dating because we had decided to be monogamous. every second I never let her miss me cos she would So weve still been taking, not about us, just conversation. Thats why you dont want to let go. Im in the same boat as you exactly I dont know what else to do I love him he dont love me we have two kids together he doesnt feel he will ever love me again like he used to have you found anything that helped you if so please let me know!!! So those are 3 areas to work on in therapy. I did something pretty messed up, I made a fake facebook account and sent him a request to see if he would accept it. He has told me I need to get back the strong woman I once wasthe one he fell in love with. All these people are people who he has worked with for 15-20 years. She texted after, that she was sorry for being rude and mean that she had her hopes up for me attending and didnt want to be let down. I was okay with that as long as it was just friends. All she would do was complain, be depressed, and take it out on me. Also, I applaud you for wanting to give a stable home to his children. Hi Beth, I wished in my heart I had kept them words to myself, he knew I liked him a lot. Call me crazy but I thought we could fix this however it is becoming more & more challenging. I have become very resentful and have a love hate relationship with him. She has always spoken down to me in front of our kids and my family members. He has gone back and forth so many times. All I want is for her to miss me and for her to swallow her pride and at least talk to me. This is the reason why I decided to travel alone. We dont get a long most of the time, we argue because he can discipline my kids but I cant even look at his the wrong way without it being a diaster. I fear that well be several days without talking because he doesnt have this need to talk that I do and also maybe he feels that if he contacts me hes giving me a hope that hes not sure of. My wife and I can out of dufficult to understand relationships before and after started dating I talked about my ex and things that we did involving sex, traveling etc but I dont know why I said them to her cause it hurt her so much and we she always talks about them ever time we fight. Id be lying if I still didnt think shes the one for me, but its ultimately flawed reasoning because the people we become may not be meant for each other. My questions are these, can she fall back in love with me? he eats when i cook just the same and we have sex. When he gets mad at me and says mean things it doesnt even hurt anymore I just ignore him or laugh about it, I havent cried over our fights in a long time. Do you notice an interesting pattern? I have a hunch: He said people dont change. But , I would only change for a while. I wish I was exaggerating. So, kids or not, maybe that is who he is. Hi J I need to be caring, loving. I love this woman with every ounce of my soul. I felt like she was more important than meneedless to say we got into an arguement and he didnt have date with me sunday instead took her fishing. My problem is that my bfriend can get very angry and says a lot of thinks that hurts and because he knows me it hurts bad. If your boyfriend sees you as self-reliant and stable then it could restore his trust. bungalowstreet. That is all to YOUR credit. I was fed up and outrightly told him their friendship was unnecessay and i was tired. I will change those behaviours. We have two children with our third on the way. So I asked: are you moved on? I mourned for him begging and crying. You must not put yourself down for doing this. Shes working on herself now and Im doing the same. I believe it because I made this girl who she is. I havent reached my goal weight and although Im in university I do not put in 100% all the time. im so confused, not too mention there has been a pregnancy and miscarriage too since he said i no longer love you, it was his baby. There are many examples of this kind of thing. From that day forward I changed everything in the way that I support her financially and emotionally. what should i do. Hi Kim She says NO I dont want you to go, I dont want to have to deal with your needs, your comfort, and its not about you, its their beautiful day, she says she is done talking and hangs up. The sex stopped, and I cant stand to even have him touch me. She wanted to leave me and our two dogs behind. She begged me for the first time that she had no money for the week and really need it and after this she would never ask me for anything. He has already talked to his job about coming home more and he has scheduled an appointment with a therapy counselor. But I really feel like I am at a fork in my life, I dont know if I should just let him go or hold on and try to fix things.any help would be appreciated. Then he had a tendency to want to have sex and Id tell him O,you just want my body. This was 3 weeks ago. Not a lot of time seeing each other. It looks to me like you are taking good steps your husb has a therapist and is getting alcohol counseling. In my search for answers/help I found your blog. That is part of what it means to be vulnerable. I have started therapy for addictions and am in the first month of a 3 month program. I am currently attending marital counseling with my husband and partner of 30 years. Dear Dr. Deb, All the research bears me out. 4. Insist he get therapy or hes out. Fast forward, she badly needed to see me in May but I prevented her cus I was confused about my status. He told me there was no chance with me and even said he never loved and cared. But if the person who is hurting you is dragging you down, know when its time to leave. It took this article: And he said he didnt blame me if I never wanted to talk to him again. She felt she was constantly walking on egg shells out of fear of when she would do something that I would yell at her about. She tells me herself. I gave them a time limit, saying Id be back in around 20 minutes. However, your problem is related in the following way: Men who focus on the body have a lot of trouble focusing on the mind and spirit. please give me some ideas i am lost dont know what to do thank you again for answer my desperate email good bless you !you are given me hope thanks again. For example, go back to a special restaurant or rent the first movie you watched together. I had to go to her friend and her friend said that she went through the same thing that I am going through. My heart is just with her but she was in the wrong place during our separations last year. Otherwise, she would not have needed to lie to your new gf. I dont know what to do but I need advice I cant move on cause my heart belongs to her. Communication stopped also, basically everything that makes a relationship work doesnt exist anymore. Hell take me out on dates, cook me dinner, and most importantly, putting up with me no matter how much I seem to push him away. He told me that he was just stressed out and that it was no big deal. we were recently told by her mother that she and her grandma will be moving down to Texas( this is her only family keep in mind.) Dr deb My feelings about myself are under construction, I just try to be the best person I can. The only way they can connect is through the body because the emotions have been cut off (and the mind, too). No matter what you try to tell yourself. A few months after I nursed my grandmother until she died, and my son recently had a bad mva and broke his back. During the month before I left, I kept in limited contact with my girlfriend, respecting her desires not to see me as much, and had sort of a slow fall off of our relationship filled with many tearful nights and days up until the last night when we got dinner with my family and kissed goodbye. He did little stuff like drew roses cut them out and tied a ribbon to send me for v day. How does one physically connect with a man, who chose to take this road, without fear of rejection as has been the norm with him? Or if we should even have this time spent for ourselves in the first place. He doesnt bother keeping the house tidy while I work all day every day. I felt hurt and back away , knowing he need time and space to settle his personal things. So (not proud to say) I hacked in to his SM accounts. He was truly upset he had hurt me and worried that this might ruin us. I am now planning on returning home after my 4th month here in New Orleans as it is not my place to thrive as a healthy human being and am in the process of dealing with how my quick decisions have blown up right in my face leaving me alone and questionable about my path as a musician. My suspicions were confirmed when one of her friends told me they had been sleeping together all along. He left the morning I was packing and he said it was because it was impossibly hard to watch me pack. I am very proud of him for getting a great job and more money for our bills and to save for the future. He tries to ignore it because he loves me but each time he wants to tell me that Im beautiful it all comes back to him and he gets very angry with me. The challenges you face in your marriage might leave you feeling like the union is over and that it's time to separate. I just feel kind of numb most of the time. I always thought my husband would stay..He never judged me, yelled at me, or did a single thing to hurt me. He has been badly hurt in the past, so much so that anyone who hurts him gets pushed away forever. My husband re-tensioned the retaining spring & Peter replaced it on the wheel, thanking my husband. Since we broke up hes been traveling a lot for work, always to the same place. I asked her if she was seeing another guy apart from me and she told me the truth that she dated a guy but she doesnt fill anything for this guy but all of a sudden this guy started worrying about and also asking me questions about the girl Im dating to be honest I didnt tell the guy anything because I trust the girl Im dating but the guy she dated told me that the girl Im dating told him Im his friend but she doesnt love me and I said okay if thats is the case then we will call this girl in front of me and the guy we did that and when she saw the guy she run away. 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Good life myself, he knew I liked him a lot for work, always the.
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